I have a friend that we will call “Libby” because that is her actual name and she got married last month, or as we say at The Orlando Cat Café “meowied”. Even though I was not invited to the wedding (I think my invitation might have gotten lost in the mail), I wanted to send her a gift as a token of my love and respect for her and also because I figured a gift might get me an invite.
After a quick Google search I found her registry. To be honest she registered for some pretty boring stuff – I mean there were linens to shed on and rugs to vomit on and various decorative items to knock off the counter, but nothing really caught my eye until I saw it…a gravy boat!
A seafaring vessel to navigate an entire river, lake, or dare I say — ocean of gravy! This was perfect. It not only made a thoughtful gift, but it was so practical and, if I played my cards right, I would get invited along for all sorts of adventures in a sea of gravy.
Long time readers of my column know that I usually devote my November column to my love of all things gravy and that love is personified on a day set aside at the end of the month called “Thanksgiving” which I refer to as “Thanks-for-all-the-gravy-giving”.
So back to my story. I quickly located the Orlando Cat Café credit card and bought the gravy boat and then, since I already had the credit card, started a search for “cat life jackets” (I know it will look dumb on me but safety is important) along with a captain’s hat and a waterproof catnip mouse. Then I sat back and waited for the Amazon delivery truck to appear.
And then at last he appeared carrying a box. A really, really small box. Not the kind of box that could hold a seafaring vessel box. Confused, I clawed it open and found this:
And not this:
I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s very nice but there is no way that I can fit in this thing (not to mention Libby and her new husband who’s probably coming with us) and it doesn’t look sea-worthy at all! How is this a boat suitable for a gravy adventure? I gave the boat a one-star review for “deceptive advertising” and then sulked for three days (until my captain’s hat and waterproof catnip mouse arrived which perked me up a little bit).
If anyone can help explain this mystery, please email me with the Subject Line: “Gravy Boat” and let me know where I went wrong.
In the meantime, I wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. And enjoy your gravy. Or your boat. Or gravy on a boat.